Someday
by thegirlwholikesatvs
Summary: Songfic. Peeta's POV. Peeta's thoughts while being held prisoner in the Capitol. Please read and review!


**Someday**

_You can go_

_You can start all over again_

_You can try to find a way to make another day go by_

_You can hide_

_Hold all your feelings inside_

_You can try to carry on when all you want to do is cry_

I stare at the white, metal door across from me. The only exit in this place of torture. Screams echo down the halls. Some real, some computer-generated. They use your love against you here. All day and night I listen to Katniss screaming. Even though I know they're not real, it still gets to me. Now I know what she felt like with the jabber jays. It's horrible here, at the Capitol, but even so if I did it all over again I wouldn't change a thing. Just knowing that Katniss is ok would be enough for me.

The thought of Katniss bugs me. Does she really love me? Was everything just an act?

_And maybe someday_

_We'll figure all this out_

_Try to put an end to all our doubt_

_Try to find a way to make things better now and_

_Maybe someday we'll live our lives out loud_

_We'll be better off somehow_

_Someday_

But, no, it couldn't have been. It was in the first of the Games, but the last one? All the kisses and caresses by Katniss weren't stage. I could tell they had feeling behind them. And, besides, she was planning on giving her life to save mine. She was trying to _protect me. _Even down to the last minutes in the arena. She was calling to me, shouting my name, so she would draw the others to her. She gave me everything she had in that last moment.

But what really bothers me now, is Haymitch. Out of everyone, he turned us into pieces in the Games.

_Now wait_

_And try to find another mistake_

_If you throw it all away then maybe you can change your mind_

_You can run, oh_

_And when everything is over and done_

_You can shine a little light on everything around you_

_Man it's good to be someone_

But he rescued Katniss out of the arena; I appreciate that. If Katniss was here….she'd be better off dead. All of us would, really. But I won't accept my death that easily, not now. Even knowing Katniss is ok. She never told me she loved me, but I do know she cared for me. Does she still now? Is she trying to find a way to rescue me? Or did she just forget about the boy with the bread altogether?

_And I don't want to wait_

_I just want to know_

_I just want to hear you tell me so_

_Give it to me straight_

_Tell it to me slow_

But she couldn't have. If she worked that hard, was prepared to give her life, to keep me alive she wouldn't just let me die at the hands of the Capitol. Even though they tell me just the opposite of that everyday I know. I just _know _that Katniss is still trying to protect me. Even when I'm _miles _away I can feel her barely holding on, but holding onto the one thing that's keeping her going. Me. The thought that I could somehow be safe with her someday. I don't know how I know this, but I know it's true. Because that's all I have left to hold onto, too.

_Cause maybe someday_

_We'll figure all this out_

_We'll put an end to all our doubt_

_Try to find a way to just feel better now and_

_Maybe someday we'll live our lives out loud_

_We'll be better off somehow_

_Someday_

I know she knows I love her, but I never got to say it to her. I never got to hear her say those three words to me. And those three words are all I'm holding onto while I am tortured for information I don't have. I hold onto that. As they inject me with tracker jacker venom, as they try to destroy and alter my memories, I hold onto those three words. Because as much as they want me to hate Katniss I know I love her.

And then one day, they succeeded. Made me think she tried to kill me (on multiple occasions), made me believe she killed my family, and made me believe she's a _mutt. _But even now, I hold onto that promise. I don't know why. But I just do. The promise those three words bring. But why? Why should I be thinking that about _Katniss? Katniss Everdeen, _who tried to kill me many times, killed my family, and is the sole reason I'm here. Nothing seems right about my memories…they almost feel like someone else's. And sometimes I doubt that they're mine. Like when I think of the bread. Why would I do that? What does that have to do with those three words echoing in my head? _I love Katniss. _Why won't those words ever leave?

My mind says to hate her, but my heart says I love her. What is real and true anymore? My memories feel tainted-altered-but even so, what is actually real?

One time, I heard them say they injected me with tracker jacker venom. A vague memory came to mind when they said the name. _Tracker jacker: causing illusions/hallucinations; confusing what is real. _What is real? Is the hate I feel when the tracker jacker venom completely takes hold of me real? Or is the love I feel in rare moments of clarity real? It seems the love is the stronger and truer emotion. The hate feels artificial. The love feels genuine. Now I wish for the days when my emotions and thoughts didn't battle each other, when venom didn't take hold of me.

_Cause sometimes we don't really notice_

_Just how good it can get_

_So maybe we should start all over_

_Start all over again _

And one day in the longest moment of clarity comes an untainted memory surfaces.

"_I want to go with them as a guard." I say immediately. If I don't how will I make sure Katniss is safe? I can't let her sacrifice her life for me; she's all I have to live for. _

"_You're too slow. Besides, I'll need you on this end. Katniss will guard," Beetee says. "There's no time to debate this. I'm sorry. If the girls are to get out of here alive, they need to move now." He hands the coil to Johanna. _

_But she can't go! I have a feeling I'll never see her again if she does. I can't protect her if I'm not there with her!_

"_It's ok," she says to me. "We'll just drop the coil and come straight back up."_

_Beetee says something to her but I'm not listening. If only I could go with her…_

_She takes my face in her hands and I'm completely overcome by warmth. "Don't worry. I'll see you at midnight." she kisses me and then takes off with Johanna as I stare after her. It seems too much like a final goodbye. I want to run after her, tell her I love her, and make sure she's safe. Finnick puts a hand on my shoulder. "She'll be fine," he says, but it doesn't reassure me at all. Because something tells me that from here on out everything will change._

I know the memory's real, along with the feelings that surface along with it. And in that moment of clarity I _know _I love Katniss. And, someday, we will be together. For now, all I can do is hold onto those three words.

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing. The song is Someday by Rob Thomas and all the characters are Suzanne Collins's. **_


End file.
